9/30/2004

Election: ... a half-serious summary of the First Presidential Debates:

Kerry : calls Iraq Mexico ... metaphorically
: attempts to slam the Iraqi reconstruction for not letting nations that did not support up to benefit from that reconstruction; how would that help our companies?!
Bush : How can Kerry expect to enlist help when he is insulting them or trying to get their aid in a war that he called Wrong-war/place/time) ... HAHA!
Kerry : Forgets to list Poland as an ally in Iraq. HAHA!
Bush : psst - we have a coalition of 30 nations!
Bush : Our victory was so efficient and rapid, bad guys surrendered and returned into the populace ...
Bush : hard work ... "optimistic realism", consistency, resolve ...
Kerry : (makes wrong statements about WMD, Iraq-al-Qaeda connection, danger) ... and insults our allies again.
(Admittedly - we are a large part of the force in Iraq, but we were the victims of 9/11 ... duh!)
(PS - weren't we also a majority in, um, WWII, Korea, Vietnam ... )
Kerry : Says he will fix N.Korea having Nukes ... I'd like to hear how!
Kerry : Bush is a big fat hairy liar, but he used longer words. Says we rushed to war with no plan.
Kerry : Repeats his unsupported claim that the leaders of the world are with him.
(mentions that Osama uses the war as a recruiting tool ... what about F9/11)
Said he wants to follow Kennedy's footsteps ... get elected by the mob and mingle with movie stars?
Bush : Kerry has yet to stand by a statement or position yet.
Kerry : Duh, I said what? Says he has always had one position - "waffle" :P
Bush : Hammers Kerry again on being inconsistent, aka "Waffle"
Bush : Life is precious, and every loss is a great one. Sometimes necessary, and patriots understand that.
Bush : a free Iraq will change the world
Kerry : I was in combat (Ahem - cue the SBVFT) and know loss. I can do it better. We need a Montage, a war fighting montage
(still waiting on the details, Waffle-boy ... and the montage reference would only be funny to South Park fans)
Kerry : plugs his website! Sweet!
Bush : Hits the Wrong-war/time/place button again against Kerry, and the waffle aspect ... "grand diversion" button pressed
Kerry : Tries to twist Powell's words ... again says he has a plan
Kerry : Duh, I have no specifics on The Plan, except that we will get other people to help! Oh, and get out fast!
Bush : Its hard work, dork. Kerry attacked Iraq's leader and leadership, diplomacy a la Kerry.
Kerry : I can do better. Terrorists crossing border.
Bush : Yes, that is why we need to kick ass. Force is a last resort, but it must be considered. Libya is a good guy now, suck it!
Kerry : Repeats his wrong-war/place/time again. Says we have lost credibility.
Kerry : Admits he doesn't know how to stop proliferation, and mis-speaks - "I am for proliferation".
Bush : Preemption is for protecting us, screw the world. And ICC (International Criminal Court) is bad. Being popular is fine, but don't become popular by making bad decisions.
Bush : Nuclear N. Korea can be forestalled via sanctions. Ditto for Iran.
Kerry : Hits Bush on (possible) mis-step in N. Korea -
note - that Kim Jong Il does his own thing regardless of what we do/say ... still a work in progress
Kerry : answers wrong question; and then agrees that Darfur is an example of genocide. Criticizes Bush's policy there.
note - that Bush is the FIRST and ONLY leader(ship) in the world to call it genocide and we are spending $200M there already!
Kerry : says he will grow armed forces, including Special Forces ... and is willing to use force in Darfur! (Kerry is pro war?)
note - that would be good!
Bush : Kerry scares me, but I like his daughters.
Kerry : Tries to justify his waffling, hits Stem Cell research
note that this shows his ignorance in scientific realms
Bush : I have morals, waffle-boy.
Kerry : I don't wilt. Admits Saddam needed to be disarmed and it would take force to do so.
note that he waffles, not wilts. I agree!
Kerry : Nuclear Proliferation is the biggest threat to the world! Implies we are solely responsible for securing ex-USSR nukes.
Kerry : Says we don't need to continue advancing our weapon systems.
Bush : We have increased the spending for anti-proliferation efforts, producing results. We need Missile defenses.
Kerry : repeats himself for the 308th time, insults China's role in the ongoing N.Korea issue.
Bush : Putin is making a mistake in becoming more hard-line; but he is a strong ally.
Kerry : Putin who? I mean, I was in Russia back in the day. That means I know something. Hits WMDs, mission accomplished buttons. Says Kim Jong Il will listen.
Bush : Kerry made the same mis-interpretation based on what we thought was good info.
Kerry : $200B spent in Iraq ... my wife can almost write that check!

In closing
Kerry : We disagree on how to screw up this country, but my way is better! I mean, I will get the world to like us. I defended this country by committing war crimes as a youth, and I am not lying when I say I will do it again. Vote Hillary in 2012! I mean Kerry in 2004!
Bush : Kerry will lead us into tragedy. And take all your money. And your first born children. He eats babies! Soylent Green is people!

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